Lessons Learned After Probate

Today, after almost 7 months, the probate process from my mom’s estate came to a close. The various emotions evoked were many and at opposite ends of the spectrum; they eventually ended up canceling each other out. In this quiet reverie, I had several lessons that I wanted to share about the whole process.

First, I got my literal / metaphorical house in order. In a time of crisis, the focus should be on my well being, not my filing system. I don’t want a family member frantically searching to find insurance cards, insurance providers, physicians, pharmacies, my living will or other healthcare related documents when I'm ill. I created my “panic packet” in hopes it would be a godsend to whomever. I have a copy of my ID, insurance card, physician contact information and a list of medications that is no more that 6 months old. 

When I have a living will and a person appointed as Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare (DPOA/HC) that information will also be added. Also, the copy of my funerary contract is included. I’ve hidden this packet away and a trustworthy family member knows where I’ve stashed it. There will be no angst over who's my doctor, what pills am I taking, what level of care I want, how aggressive my treatment should be or who should be contacted upon my demise.

I made a Will – I don’t want the State to take a big bite out of my assets and / or family members fighting over “stuff”. If for no other reason, it gives me that proverbial “last word”.

I made a Living Will – OK, still working on this one. No one wants to acknowledge their own demise. Neither do they want to take time from their “living” to plan for their dying. I can tell you that a Living Will is one of the most beautiful and giving things you can do for your family. At a time when your family is the most emotional, they are expected to make very difficult decisions (nutrition, hydration, pain management, life support, and so on). Unless you have established a person as your Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare issues, the family may be split on how to move forward. The gravity of the decision to turn off life support or deny nutrition is mitigated if it is my expressed wish.

I have pre-planned my funerary arrangements. I have already decided to donate my organs, to be cremated, to have my remains cremated in a cardboard box (yes, that is an option), what urn I want to be in, where I want those ashes released, what music I want, where the service is to be held and even the number of death certificates to be printed. It is pre-paid with an inflationary rider. Funerary expenses increased 25% in 10 years; the inflation rider means one less burden for those I love.

I have designated beneficiaries on my life insurance and investments. These instruments can have a Payable on Death (POD) function so that they will pass outside the probate process and go directly to those who I wish to have these funds. My Executor is one of six people on a particular account. My experience is that there is a substantial out of pocket expense initially for the Executor. They also have their own lives upended as they reconcile the end of yours. In my opinion, such patience, dependability and effort should be rewarded.

Typically, the domicile and the vehicles pass through probate. These items can be delegated in the Will. Consider this carefully as either item could be an unintended burden due to liens, physical condition and distance.

In the end, the world is a stage and we are merely players. However, how we enter and leave that stage can be more powerful that anything performed thereon. Play on!